“Mommy, mommy!” my daughter called out as she came running into the kitchen where I was preparing dinner this evening.
She had just arrived home from school. I turned around and saw disappointment written all over her young face. Her voice was choked with emotions and she was on the verge of tears.
“Hey, what’s wrong with you, honey?” I asked with concern, stroking her hair.
“I got only 31 marks for my Malay Language Paper One examination today,” she lamented sadly, her head hanging down.
“Oh, is it? What is the full mark for this examination then?” I asked.
“40,” she replied, her lips quivering. “It is an objective test.”
“Never mind, do better next time, okay?” I tried to comfort her. But she still looked unhappy over this issue and I soon found out why.
“Yesterday when I was absent from school, the teacher spend the whole afternoon giving the class some secret tips. She told them what questions are going to come out today. I missed all that,” she revealed with a tinged of regret in her voice.
My child did not attend school yesterday. We were at the dentist. One of her tooth required extraction and two others needed to be filled up. That took the whole evening at the government dental clinic; hence she had to skip school.
“Last night when I called up Sharon to ask her what I had missed during my absence, she said I had missed nothing. Only today, when the test was over and the result was known an hour later, another classmate told me what the teacher had gone through with them when I was not in,” Alexandra continued as she stood beside me at the sink. Tears began rolling down from the corners of her eyes. This was her first test in a secondary school.
Yes, I got it now. She felt betrayed by Sharon, her best friend since Year Two. They had been sitting together all these years; they were close friends but rivals in their studies. They took turns to come out top in class. When Alexandra got first place, Sharon will get second and vice versa. It had always been like that. Now they go to the same secondary school, were put in the same class and sit together again. And so, the rivalry continues, I guess.
“Look like Sharon kept something back from you,” I pointed out to my daughter. I could feel her disappointment too. I have been in the same situation before, during my school days, around her age too.
“Yes, I feel the same. I had always shared everything with her but last night she was hiding something from me,” my daughter said sadly of her best friend.
“Take this as a lesson in life, my dear. Friends are like that, no friends give their all, and there will be some holding back, especially when it comes to studies or working. You will meet more of such friends when you are grown up and started to work in the adult’s world,” I explained to her.
If you know Alexandra well, you will find that she is a good friend to have. She is always kind and helpful to her friends. My daughter loved to share; it was something I taught her since her toddler days. She won’t hesitate to share her toys or her snacks with other children her age. And when she got older, she loved to share the joy of learning with her friends in school. But the problem with her is that she thought everyone is like her too. I wanted her to find out for herself that this is not so, that not everyone is so generous in sharing.
“Sharon scored 37 and she got the highest mark in class. She got A,” Alexandra said enviously.
“You are not doing too badly either. And it’s all your own efforts, without tips from the teacher!” I tried to cheer her up. She nodded and managed a weak smile.
“But I am on the border line. She was in a more comfortable position,” she said finally, letting out a sigh.
“Alexandra, I wanted you to know that the score is not so important as compared to how much you understand the questions and how much you learnt from your test,” I stressed to her.
She kept quiet, trying to analyze my words.
“Remember this – don’t depend on your peers too much. Always depend on yourself. Succeed on your own efforts, not on tips from your classmates. If you can do that, you are doing fine, understand?” I tried to rub that onto her young mind.
“Don’t limit yourself to Sharon and the others from your former school. Get to know new friends that came from other schools too. Widen your circle of friends. Who knows one day you might meet better friends from among them? True friends are very rare and hard to come by, take your time to find them,” I told her while wiping her tears away.
She smiled broadly and looked up at me. “Yes, I understood now. Thank you, Mommy, and I loved you so much!” she said, giving me a tender hug before running off to get her bath. Dinner was ready.
I think my daughter had learnt some lessons today. She is learning some ups and downs of real life. I am glad for her.
By the way, what would you say to your child if she felt betrayed by her best friend?
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188 Hugh Low Street, Ipoh 
Poor Alex,it must have been a painful lesson for a sweet girl like her! However, with your guidance, Ipohgal, I’m sure she will find it to be a lesson worth learning! She is one lucky girl to have such a loving mum to guide her through the rough patches in life. Wish you both wisdom along life’s journey!
Thank you, Soi Yin! Alexandra is a good and decent girl, I really hope she will grow up well.
Life is tough, but the tough keeps going.
One thing for sure, Sharon lost more marks from Alex then what Alex has lost in the test.
Hi 16LeechStreet,
The moral of this post is that once trust is broken, it is very difficult to regain that trust again. I am sure Alexandra will ride over the storm.
oh poor girl. i know how it feels to be let down by her closest friend. you have given her some very good advice. i hope she feels better now 🙂
Hi Barb,
Yes, she is feeling better now, but more cautious of her friends. I view this episode as part of her growing up experience.
When my girls were in school I used to impress upon them that education was a process of acquiring knowledge and building the character. It must involve the grace of forebearance and forgiveness though in their young minds they initially encountered difficulty with this attitude. But I insisted that this was one way to avoid developing a bitter and poisonous mind. In the long run it would help them understand their friends and themselves better.
They are adults now with their own warts and foibles. But I trust that they will remember the nagging reminders from their father in those distant school days of theirs.
Hi Hock Yew,
It is not easy to bring up a child….I always try to be there for her at all times but there are things that she need to experience herself to learn better. This is one of them. Sometimes she will fall down but the most important thing is, she will picked herself up again.
Alexandra, friends are aplenty but truce friends are not that many. It is important that you learn and put the test on your own. When you go to University level, you are expected to perform without any help or tips. Take your own ability to come out ideas & be different, learn the hard way & be smart so that you can be independent. When you are an Adult & on a working life, you are expected to complete the task given by your boss on your very own merit. Thus Your salary, increment plus bonus will be rewarded accordingly.
Don’t worry about those recent marks & you should look forward to the term exam. Read the Berita Harian on Saturday & Sunday to help improve your Bahasa Malaysia. You will find it useful until form five.
Cheers.
Hi John,
The age of innocence is firmly behind my daughter, she views friendship in a different perspective now and is learning, day by day, what friendship really means. Why, even at our age, we are still learning 🙂