Nine things you should never say to a stay-at-home mom

 

When I walked out from the boss’s room after handing him my resignation letter, I felt like an alien stepping out from a space ship. I was faced with a barrage of curious stares and questions, some made perfect sense, others plain silly and downright mean.

The decision to quit came very spontaneously. I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom instead of working in this posh office. I wanted to be with my babies instead of being with this gang of rat racers. Well, that was twelve years ago.

Admittedly, it was not easy at first. I saw a very beautiful dress in a shop but I forced myself to walk away. I tried on a pair of pretty shoes but I have to put it back onto the display rack. No more monthly facials at the beauty salon. No more weekly outings to Kentucky, McDonald, Pizza Hut or Toys R Us with the little ones. Each day was a struggle between doubts and convictions. In the end, convictions won the day!

Along the way, as I began to adjust into a new routine, I was asked some questions which irked me greatly, questions which left me totally exasperated. The answers can be found in the mouths of these so-called “well meaning” friends or relatives, if only they step into my shoes for just a day.

Recently, I came across an article titled “Nine things you should never say to a stay-at-home mom” in msn.com and I felt I could relate very well to this piece. Read on to find out what people love to say to stay-at-home moms and judge for your-self whether they are genuinely concerned or out to spite the poor moms. I borrowed the title and points from msn.com but the illustrations are based from my own experience.

1. What do you do with all the free time in your hands? I have been asked this countless times. Each time, my answer is, “I would like to sleep like a pig from day till night” or “I would eat pop corns while watching some Bollywood dramas on TV all day long.” With a one and a half-year old toddler who could not sit still all day and a ten- month old baby who kept tossing in her crib, how much free time do I have? Round the clock breast-feeding and changing the baby’s diapers; feeding porridge to the toddler who walked with unsteady feet and keeping an eye on him lest he put some small toys into his mouth left me hardly much time to go to the toilet to relief myself or even take a bath.
2. If you are tired, why don’t you nap when the baby does?  Oh yeah, that sounds very tempting and well-meaning, but who will take care of the tons of soiled napkins, do the cooking and clean up the house? If I have a fairy godmother with a magic wand, Snow White or Cinderella in the house to help me with the house chores that kept piling up, I might consider that. Anyhow, my sleep clock does not keep in sync with my babies, no matter how desperate I was to close my eyes just for a brief moment.
3. It must be nice not to have to work anymore. Of course it is nice not to have to go to the office to face tons of workload, warmongers or backstabbers. But don’t you consider all the cooking, cleaning and looking after the babies as work too? We need to use energy and brains too while doing such work, you know! You can’t go around the house doing chores like a sleep-walker…….
4. Your husband must do really well. I couldn’t afford to stay home. My husband was just struggling on a mere salary and honestly, I could not afford to stay at home either. But between getting a foreign maid to stay in the house or place the children in some abusive babysitter’s arms and pay them a big portion from my own salary, I preferred to stay at home. End of story.
5. When do you plan to return to your career? Initially, I thought I will return to work once they reach school-going age but in the end, I loved my stay-at-home job so much, I decided I will just stayed on forever! It is incredibly rewarding watching my children growing up day by day and being there for them at all times.
6. Do you feel like your education was a waste? No, not at all. My education is a bonus for me as a stay-at-home mom. I could teach my children to sing, to read, to write, to draw – to discover themselves. I loved to tell them bed time stories and act them out together. I loved to sing them lullabies each night when I sent them to bed. We have a great time. It is fun, it is pure joy!
7. Taste it and you will know what you are in! When friends or relatives heard that I have traded a comfortable job in the office to stay at home minding the children, they were like, “I suffered through it before and now it’s your turn, so I’m going to let you know how tough it is going to be.” But nothing they are going to say will make me change my mind. I am in it, for better or for worse.
8. I could never do what you do. I’d die without adult conversation. This implies “You must be simpler than me, so you can tolerate it.” There are mothers who thought they are above house chores and child minding. “Not for the life of me, I’ll have a maid or babysitter to do these things, I just hate to sit at home, I’ll be bored to death,” a lady boss told me on my last day at work. She was in the higher rung of the office hierarchy and I can sense jealousy in her voice, can you too?
9. Does your husband give you an allowance from his paycheck? This question does not sit well with me. I am not his employee. I am not doing this for monetary gains. I am doing this for the children. As long as I am adequately provided for, it is fine. Knowing my children grow up healthily and that they are well looked after is all that matters to me. No amount of money can buy that sense of satisfaction of knowing that they are in good hands.

 

This article is a tribute to all stay-at-home moms on International Women’s Day, celebrated each year on March 8.