Mom was diagnosed with end-stage renal failure in early 2000. The news came as a complete shock to my family. She was to spend the next eleven months at the Ipoh General Hospital. Weekdays were spent in the hospital undergoing peritoneal dialysis and blood transfusions; weekends at home resting. I was the one at her bedside most of the time, taking care of her, comforting her and praying with her.
Renal failure can be extremely devastating on the body. At the beginning, the built-up of toxins in her body rendered Mom very tired and without much appetite to eat. As a result, she became anemic, thin and frail. She was left with just bones and skin. I remember being very angry and frustrated to see her like this. “Why does it have to be my Mom, why does a kind soul like her have to suffer like this?” I kept asking myself.
But over the months, with proper medications, constant blood transfusions and most importantly, dialysis, she began to regain some appetite to eat again. By early November, she got back some strength, a pinkish glow on her cheeks and was able to sit in a wheel chair. She could even talk softly or smile lightly too. We were so happy for her and hopes of her leading a normal life began to fill our hearts once more.
That night was November 23rd 2000 around 10 p.m. when the lights went out at ward 8 which was the ladies ward. “No need to stay with me here tonight. Just go home and have a proper sleep. Bring me some dim sum tomorrow. I don’t want to eat the breakfast from the hospital anymore. They tasted so terrible,” Mom said to me mischievously. I nodded my head gladly, very happy that she was asking for food again.
Early the next morning, November 24th 2000, I got Mom’s breakfast from her favorite restaurant behind our house. I bought Hong Kong chee cheong fun with fresh shrimps, century-eggs and minced pork porridge and of course, her all-time favorite char siew dumplings. I thought Mom will be very thrilled to see the food I am bringing her but I was wrong.
When I got to her bed, she looked very sad and gloomy.
“Good morning, Mom, did you sleep well last night?” I asked while showing her the food I have brought her.
She shook her head and gave out a sad sigh. “No, I didn’t sleep at all, from the moment you left until now,” she replied softly with a worried look on her face.
“Why?” I was curious to know. “Is it too warm here or did the mosquitoes kept biting you?” I asked her again.
“No, it’s not that. I could not sleep because I saw the Grim Reaper standing at my bed-side last night. He was dressed up like a nam moh lou (Taoist priest) and kept calling out my name, I think he’s here to collect my soul, I think I’ll die very soon, you know I don’t want to die yet,” she answered sadly, trembling with tears by now.
“Oh no, it must have been the medications you have been taking all these while. They are making you hallucinating, don’t worry Mom, you’re getting better each day, and you won’t die, not yet!” I tried to comfort her gently although I felt so wretched to hear what Mom had said.
I refused to believe her. It made me very frightened. I was afraid to lose her and I don’t want to lose her.
“Ssshhh…….don’t talk anymore. Go on; eat the dim sum I’ve brought you while they’re still warm,” I tried to divert her.
Mom ate her breakfast in silence but her emotions showed through. She was sad, worried and frightened. Her tears mingled with her breakfast and it broke my heart to see her like that as I fed her. She could not finish them. She only ate the porridge and turned down the rest.
Hours later, I gave her a gentle massage to help calm her down. Then, I put the headphones to her ears and played her favorite songs while she closed her eyes. Exhausted, she finally drifted off to sleep.
That evening, Mom was discharged for the weekend. When we reached home, I placed her down on the sofa. Then, Dad and I had our dinner in the kitchen. While eating, I suddenly heard a strange sound coming from where Mom was. Putting down my bowl of rice, I ran out to find her struggling with her breathing. I screamed out for Dad.
Mom just had a heart attack. Her mouth was foaming and her eyes rolled up. Her face and hands quickly turned blue. Grasping her chest, she slowly opened her eyes to take one last look at us before closing them again. She did not answer when we called her name. We have lost her forever even as I was calling the ambulance. All it took was less than six to seven minutes and she was gone. The clock on the wall showed it was 8 p.m. When I finally put her lifeless body down on her bed, she looked so serene and peaceful. Beautiful even.
Only then I began to realize that what Mom had told me earlier that day at the hospital was true. She was not hallucinating after all. She did saw the Grim Reaper the night before. He had come to take her away and there’s nothing we can do to stop him. Her time had come. Birth and death is written in the Book of Life.
Mom died on the same day she and Dad were supposed to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. This coming November 24th will be the twelfth year since she left us but I still feel the pain and void her departure had created. But I knew she is in a better place now. May her soul rest in eternal peace.
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188 Hugh Low Street, Ipoh 
Another story I heard: After this person, who also has the Ying Yang Eye, has passed on, he regularly appears in his son’s dream. He would tell him, “Money not enough. Burn hell notes at such a such a date and time.”
That’s one happy ghost.
Indeed he is! 🙂 Ever wonder why hell bank notes carries such big denominations? I think things must be very expensive down there. 🙂
I believe that even ‘The Grim Reaper’ appears to take away that person, there is still a chance to live for awhile maybe a couple of few hours, a week, few weeks, a month or a few months even to a year.
This is very much depend on how you seek divine help just to prolong their presence in earthly life until the next time round.
I will have to say that everyone is entitled to this divine asking and only once it will be granted. Everyone will wish to ask this favour for our love ones from what ever religion they belongs to.
God is very graceful to all human kind.
Hi John,
Yes, I have heard of this before but I am not sure how people of other faiths go about doing it.
When my paternal grandma was dying, her daughters (my aunts) went to consult a Taoist priest on how to prolong the old lady’s life.
He told them that for every week, month or year of life added to the old lady, the same will be deducted from her younger descendants (i.e. her children or grandchildren). Upon hearing this, my aunts abandoned the idea. Grandma died at the age of 77.
The method does not involved the younger descendants but on our appeal to the god or dieties. Positive blessing does not involved deduction in life, all religion faith are compassionate. I have done that for my mother & she had her life extended for a year. She passed away at the age of 79.
Hi John,
That’s interesting. Do you mind sharing your experience with us? Maybe it will help those who need such service too.
Here is another experience which I would like to share with you.
Mr Choi is the husband of my aunt. He has an elder brother working and staying in Singapore some 30 years ago. The brother was a bachelor. One day, he had an accident and was declared brain dead by the doctors in the hospital he was sent to.
My aunt and her husband rushed over to see him and kept a vigil at his bedside. After several days, he opened his eyes, much to the astonishment of the doctors who were about to take off the support system. He told them that his soul had travel to hell but was told by the King of Hell that his time is not up yet. He was also told to leave the place and that was when he opened his eyes again.
He was later discharged from the hospital, recovered quickly and went back to work again. He died some ten years later from a heart attack. This time he did not wake up again. Guess his time was up this time around. 🙂
It is good that the Grim Reaper allowed a some time for the person to see his/her family before he/she was brought away. It is by fate on how many years we can walk on earth. I’m against those asking for divine help for life extensions. God is fair, whatever you take more than you have today, it will be deducted somewhere else. Enjoy the moment and life while we still breathes!
Hi Andrew,
From all these experiences, there are two things I have learnt – firstly, the Grim Reaper does exist to people who are about to die and secondly, how long one lives is really fated. So, yes, enjoy life and show your love to those who mean the world to you before it’s too late. 🙂
Life of everyone is determined by an appointed angel/diety when he/she is born. They are to ensure & work by book written down before passing the list to the ‘Personnel’ to take the person soul away when the time comes.
There are time when a person has yet to complete his/her task to the family such as distribution of his/her will or the family would like to extract information.
What I was trying to meant is that it does not happen only to eldery person but could also be the young ones which we would love them to live long.
When I was young I thought this favour will have to be pay back somehow by what ever means, but later I was told by a diety that if you approach the evil then you have to repay.
I wonder whether you have heard people going to cemetery to ask for ’empat ekor’ by punching a green bamboo stick into a fresh grave especially a woman/girl better still pregnant one.
The one method that I used is a positive which I was thought without any ‘encumbrances’ to us or anyone but one must be truthfull.
Hi John,
I am in complete agreement with your first paragraph. I am not sure which faith you belonged to but some Taoists believes the deity “Duo Mu” to be the one in charge of the Book of Life and Death in which the duration of our life is recorded. She is the also the mother of the Nine Emperor Gods.
Yes, even the young dies -babies, children and people in their prime. One theory is that such people came back to finish up the years they have lost in their previous lives. Anyway, I do not know how true this is as it was told to me by my elders.
As for people asking for empat ekor, one of my relative once went to Kelly Castle near Gopeng to ask for a lucky number only to be asked for a live baby by a female spirit lurking behind the pillars of a corridor there. He and his friends fled at once on their bikes. So, never ever ask for anything from the evil.
In Buddhism, to prolong one’s life is actually very simple. All you have to do is simply refrain from killing any living things but instead release lives. Life is very precious, even that of an ant or a fly. Do you know that it is better to go meatless on your birthdays than to indulge in heaps of meats? Do not let others to suffer from pain and death so that you can have an enjoyable meal to celebrate your birth. Releasing life is a very noble act, more so on your birthdays. I think this is the most practical and safe method to ask for longevity.
Well, My dad was a Chrisitian & mum was a Toaist/Buddhist practise. They were allowing freedom of religion practise within the family. My sisters & me do visit the Church & Temple for prayers & respect. As for myself I have always practise any religion that teaches the correct path & positive value.
You are correct as “Dou Mu” is in charge of Life & Death of a human when they were born but after that the task delegated to other dieties such as kitchen god it will follow through to king of hades & his right/left hand men, in which they are in charge to bring the intended soul back to hades.
This is the time when praying for extended time is encourage.
Some years ago when a friend ask me for some religion advice in regard to his brother-in-law which had been diagonised with thorat cancer. I told her to tell his wife to lit oil lamp with his name written on a red piece of paper at any temple for a year, additionally donate some money to Tung Shin hospital with intention for ‘coffin’ for those who died but can’t pay for a coffin. I think some association also accept these donation.
He actually survived for another year or maybe 15 months. The family was able to prepare his will for next of kin & sort out many other business transaction for his chidren to takeover.
Hi John,
Thanks for sharing further. I thought the kitchen god’s duty is to report to the Jade Emperor about each household before CNY and that’s why we offer him “lian kou” which is a sticky stuff to glue his mouth and hopefully, will prevent him from talking bad behind our back! Didn’t know his other task until you mentioned it now, thanks!
I think you must be referring to the “Longevity Lamp.” I thought people can also lit up such lamps in temples during CNY. Are they the same, I mean, the lamps lit to prolong life when one is dying and during CNY? As for the donation for coffins, again, this is the first time I have heard of something like this. Interesting and very educational. Thanks for the sharing, John. 🙂
The kitchen god will make his report to the Jade emperor & will extend a copy to ‘Dou Mou’ for consideration to extend life who deserve to be ‘Extended’.
The ‘Longevity Lamp’ apart from CNY is also considered to appeal to any diety for help in the event of ‘Extended time’ is requested by anyone or family members. Some people will seek help from the Buddhist Monastery i.e. Abbot, Monastery High priest & monks/nuns to chant prayers for the ‘intended person’ to have his life prolong & usually to lit the oil lamp for continous time.
In the Catholic Church, names will be submitted for prayers intention for the sick & to receive sacarment for the sick during mass.
Donation for coffins is most encourage on a yearly affair, in order to extend one person good deed.
Many things are in the offering but again it is always good to share & one should not practise selfishness.
Hi John,
Thanks again for your explanations. Yes, the more we share, the more we learn for knowledge is like money, we can’t bring it with us to the grave.